i'm in love with illusions, so saw me in half

last month, jay picked up "the queer issue" of the village voice, a publication i remember fondly from my pubescence for its pages of male escort ads and gay chat lines at the back. i still feel something illicit when perusing the voice, that feeling of slipping behind a beaded curtain as you get to the end of an issue, peeking over your shoulder in case anyone should be looking.

porn is nothing in comparison to the village voice classifieds, and i've seen plenty of both to compare. the classifieds are beyond wanking material. i'm far too intimidated to even check and see if i'm feeling anything between my legs. i'm fascinated, as if i were twelve again, not quite understanding how this whole world exists, and at my naive little fingertips.

i only gave a cursory glance at the ads in "the queer issue." i was caught up in the features, like, "where's all the public sex in new york nowadays?" and "straight guys who like it up the ass." you try and turn the page.

and it's only natural, with my affinity for psychic readings, self-help books, and st. john's wort, that i would also be ravenous for horoscopes. all i'm gonna say is there have been times in my life when horoscopes.astrology.com was spot-fucking-on.

but the village voice, you old queen, you really called it.

here's aquarius:

now that we're at the halfway mark, aquarius, let's take stock: by now, you should have banished at least half the ghosts that were pestering you. by august, you should have neutralized, dissolved, or rendered irrelevant a load of weird karma, and said goodbye to parts of your past that were bogging you down. by january 1, 2009, i hope you'll have laid to rest a broken dream, escaped a dead end, and ended your relationship with a lost cause. if you've spent the last six months earnestly engaged in this tough, messy work, it won't be anywhere near as tough and messy during the next six months.

suffice it to say, i just about lost my shit reading that. banished ghosts, the grand karmic turning point of august, the relationship with a lost cause--all that tough, messy work! i suspect only jay might really be nodding at this point, maybe raising a hand in a gospel-like amen, but trust me on this one. chances are, i'll get sidetracked along the way in australia or a story will necessitate a flashback--the day after i finally bought my plane ticket to australia, and i cried so hard i thought i was going to pass out; the hiv test from hell; my father, ah, the strange, uninhabitable island of my father--but at this point, consider me a reliable narrator, as best you can, when i say that this horoscope is the shit.